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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Apple iPhone Insanity brings Opportunities

So the iPhone has launched and here are some of the shocking/pathetic statistics:

  • Steve Jobs claims over 500,000 iPhones have been sold through Apple and Cingular/att Stores.
  • People camped out for at least two weeks in front of these stores to make sure they got one.
  • Those iFans too lazy to get out of their iChairs could roll over to their iMacs, login to eBay, and buy one for the AVERAGE price of $724. Thousands were sold on eBay.
All this despite the fact that the iPhone is at best mediocre and at worst, a piece of crap. To read about the shortcomings of the iPhone, see my post the other day or check out ANY wireless phone user forum or iPhone review.

Well, if you can't beat them, join them! My wife and I have 4 dogs: a miniature poodle, a Jack Russell terrier, and two standard poodles. They like to eat and what goes in through the front must come out from the back eventually. I've decided to capitalize on this with my new product: iPoop! The iPoop is a sealed plastic bag with a piece of either small or large dog crap sitting on a thin moist sponge to keep it fresh. Small iPoop will sell for $200 a bag, large iPoop will sell for $300 a bag. There will be no rebates or discounts.

Once I announce the introduction of iPoop, people will be lining up around my house waiting anxiously for it to go on sale. I'll sell them iWater and iSnacks while they're waiting, thus generating an extra revenue stream. I'm also going to hold back a thousand bags of iPoop and sell it on eBay for an average price of $621 per bag.

The iPoop is not without its flaws. Once the moist sponge dries out, the iPoop will begin to harden and become unattractive. Unfortunately for the consumer, the sponge water is not user-replaceable: they must mail their iPoop back to me for re-wetting (at an outrageous price). Turn-around time for re-wetting will be about 2 weeks and I sympathize with those iPoop owners who will be left iPoop-less during this time. I hope we don't have any suicides.

So all you crazy Apple lemmings with too much disposable income: REJOICE! iPoop is coming soon!

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1 comment:

Paul Gorman said...

I love this! It is so right on!!! I just laughed at all of the Apple religous zealots standing in line for this sill overpriced, Cingular-crippled piece of junk! They must face west towards Cupertino, and then pray to thier "god" Steve Jobs! All hail the power of the the Jobs....a little Stargate humor there...

Mrs. Unloadingzone

Mrs. Unloadingzone
"The Girl of my Dreams"